Five great wines under 5 bucks

Written by James M.

Because some perceive me to be a sophisticated gentleman of the world, I often get asked for my opinion on wine, particularly what type to drink with what dish. That perception usually goes out the window when I give them an answer, but as I'm often asked I thought I'd discuss some of my recent wine purchases. Granted, you won't find this type of review in a Wine lovers magazine as I'm not one to use words such as "bouquet", "quaff", "aged" and "clarity" unless it has to do with the privates of a member of the opposite sex. And today's theme is, appropriate for me, sweet white wine. And all for under $5, too (in California at least). Though this is by no means a "Good wines under $5 list". Who do you think I am? Trader Joe? 1.) Dr. Beckermann Liebfraumilch -- Quite literally a snip at $2.49 a bottle -- this wine gives the drinker the sensation of being circumcised. Not quite as high (or, more apt, low) a standard as I'd hoped from Namaqua Laat Oes, but this is as bad as it gets in a glass bottle with a cork. It is sweet and noxious, what one would expect a glass of ether with five tablespoons of sugar to taste like. Right now I'm checking the Nazi war criminal database to make sure there is not a Dr. Beckermann listed. red wine bottle and glass 2.) Castoro Cellars Muscat Canelli -- Castoro is Italian for beaver. I kid ye not. The vintner is one Niels Udsen. Great. A wine developed by a Dane with a passion for beaver. But this Paso Robles Muscat is actually decent. Don't let the beaver nibbling the berries (hah!) on the label fool you... this is a wine you can serve with dessert that is not considered a practical joke. Sweet, well rounded and smooth. The label helpfully informs that "the winery is surrounded by vines...", because almost everyone thinks a grape is a tuber, right? 3.) Sutter Home White Zinfandel -- The champions of the wine that tastes like pop. At $2.49 a bottle, this inoffensive, inelegant and inexpensive wine goes down like Fanta and goes back up like gasoline. However, if you've ever struggled to find a wine that goes with the Velveeta Cheese and Jalapeno Dip recipe from your college days, your struggle is over. Available in almost any gas station where liquor and fireworks are sold. 4.) Lexia 2004 Alice White -- The label has a story about Nick and Alice and their travails with a crocodile. I guess this is "Jack and Diane" for the Australian set. Apparently the labels on all the Lexia wines form a complete narrative. I guess the tale about Bruce behind a bush with a koala and Sheila amorous adventures are on the Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon, respectively. This is the best wine of the five sampled, though. At $4.99 it is also the most expensive. I guess this is the one you break out on the woman you want to impress, as long as she doesn't mind the absolutely god awful stereotyping present on the wine's packaging. 5.) Timberwood White Zinfandel -- To those in the know, "A product of Modesto, CA" is to wine what "Made in Russia" is to automobiles. Can you really trust a wine that comes from an area that's more famous for crystal meth than it is for wine? Thankfully, this zinfandel does not taste like something you can cook up from over-the-counter pharmaceuticals. (Namaqua Laat Oes does, but my ode to the Skeleton Coast's majestic wine will come later.) The label states it has a hint of melon and would taste good with prosciutto. I posit that it would be more apt to say it has a hint of gummy bears and may taste palatable with Butterball sliced turkey breast. If you are interested, here are more Top-rated wines for under $20. Well worth the look (and drink...)!

Last Updated ( Saturday, 17 June 2006 )

 

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